A Patient Advocate for an Adult Daughter with ME/CFS Addresses Dr. John Coffin's Pain
By Lilly Meehan
Dear Dr. Coffin,
I was sitting near you at the NIH State of Knowledge Workshop when you said that the patients’ online comments about you were “painful.” As the mother of a 25-year-old young woman who has been fully disabled with ME/CFS for ten years, and affected since childhood, I would like to tell you a little bit about “painful.”
“Painful” is being six years old and realizing there is something wrong with you because you cannot keep up with the other kids in a game of tag and are always “it” because you can’t run fast enough.
“Painful” is being fifteen years old and having ME/CFS hit you so hard you cannot get out of bed, go to school or do anything besides sleep.
“Painful” is hearing your doctor say to your mother, “If she were my daughter, I’d get her to go to school.”
“Painful” is migraines and severe fibromyalgia nearly every day.
“Painful” is trying to keep up with your studies, missing school, getting farther and farther behind, and realizing there is no way to be in school at all, despite trying desperately to hang on to your life as a high-achieving high-school student.
“Painful” is finally being forced to drop out of school because you’re just too sick.
“Painful” is the day your classmates graduate from high school and you’re not there.
“Painful” is being dismissed by doctors from Santa Barbara to San Diego who either don’t recognize a clear case of ME/CFS sitting right in front of them or don’t have any idea how to help.
“Painful” is when your friends go off to college and graduate and you do not go, nor are you well enough to even attend their graduations.
"Painful" is realizing the medical community doesn’t care much about your illness, and the government isn’t funding any research to help you.
“Painful” is when your friends get jobs and have lives and don’t seem to have much in common with you anymore, and then slowly drift away.
“Painful” is the day your sister gets married and you can barely keep up with the festivities, and you know this day is not coming for you.
“Painful” is being an adult and having to depend on your mother to do your dishes, wash your clothes, do your grocery shopping, run your errands, bring you food and give you the only emotional support you get from anyone.
“Painful” is accepting Section 8 housing benefits and Supplemental Security Income benefits, which are $700 per year below the poverty level, when you’d prefer to be paying taxes and being a contributing member of society.
“Painful” is seeing little future ahead of you unless this illness gets more funding and a treatment and/or cure is found.
“Painful” is wondering what’s going to happen to you when your parents die and can no longer pay for your needs or be your caregivers.
This kind of daily pain is why the patients are upset, Dr. Coffin. We know you’re an experienced scientist and have done many important things in your career. We don’t think you necessarily know the depth of suffering that is going on out here in the real world of ME/CFS. It is hard to feel sorry for you when we deal with these harsh realities and struggle daily.
I think you need to see the reality of this dreadful situation and realize the pain you feel about online comments about you is less important than the profoundly disrupted life that most with this illness endure day in and day out, for many years. Perhaps you should put on your big boy pants and just cope. It seems to me to be a much easier task for you than for us.
Lilly Meehan and her daughter live in Ventura, California.